Place new essays in the comments section for this post.
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Thursday, December 4, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Closed Workshop
This set is closed.
Do not put your essay in the comments to this post.
Do not perform workshops for the essays attached to this post.
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Do not put your essay in the comments to this post.
Do not perform workshops for the essays attached to this post.
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Monday, October 27, 2008
Hi, My name is Joe, and I want to be a better teacher.
I do not assign partners. I want you to find someone to work with whom you find compatible and whose opinion and work ethic you respect. At first, it will be pretty hit or miss, because you don't know each other yet. As a way for you to get a first idea of who you want to work with, I'm going to ask all of you to include a paragraph (or more) about yourself in comments section of this post. Please explain who you are and why you are taking the class. Tell your classmates what your goals for the class are. Explain what kind of worker you are and what kind of person you would like to work with. Read the posts of your peers and decide who you would like to with. Contact the people with whom you think you will do good work. This assignment will be very important for your participation grade. Not doing this assignment will be very bad for your participation grade. I know many people do not enjoy talking about themselves; I don't like it myself (although I just admitted something there didn't I?).
On the other hand -- and I say this every semester to every class: "I'm not asking you to make friends, only to develop professional, working relationships with a handful of your peers." I don't care what type of work you do, or will do in the future, the ability to work professionally with your peers will always be a valuable skill that leads to success. When you write about yourself, there is no need to reveal anything that you feel is personal (although it is not prohibited), you are only explaining what kind of work you want to do in this class and describing who you want to work with.
You do not have create a blogger account to post in the comments section, it will still let you post anonymously. If you do that, make sure you include your name so people know who to contact. This blog is not public, which means bots and spiders can't steal your address if you put it here. Of course, all you need to leave is your name, everyone who is supposed to know it, already knows your email address.
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On the other hand -- and I say this every semester to every class: "I'm not asking you to make friends, only to develop professional, working relationships with a handful of your peers." I don't care what type of work you do, or will do in the future, the ability to work professionally with your peers will always be a valuable skill that leads to success. When you write about yourself, there is no need to reveal anything that you feel is personal (although it is not prohibited), you are only explaining what kind of work you want to do in this class and describing who you want to work with.
You do not have create a blogger account to post in the comments section, it will still let you post anonymously. If you do that, make sure you include your name so people know who to contact. This blog is not public, which means bots and spiders can't steal your address if you put it here. Of course, all you need to leave is your name, everyone who is supposed to know it, already knows your email address.
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Tuesday, August 5, 2008
AoP Re-Search Rough Draft
Hello
Submit your Argument of Proposal / Research Rough Draft in the comments to this post
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Submit your Argument of Proposal / Research Rough Draft in the comments to this post
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Thursday, July 24, 2008
Examples of Response to Workshop
Please review these examples.
The first example is a full response. This is worth one point. Notice that the author does more than merely summarize the workshop as given. Instead, the author actually interprets her reader’s reaction to the essay. This is a second order of reading, a paraphrase of sorts, but also an inference of things the workshopper did not explicitly state. In the second part of the response, the author makes explicit plans for her revision of the essay. Notice that it is something like a checklist that the author can use to guide her through the next draft of her project.
1. After reviewing my partner’s workshop answers about the zero draft of my Batman essay, I realized that some of the information I provide (especially about the background of Bruce Wayne and his transformation) is extraneous with respect to my main thesis, and that it can be confusing in its present form as to whether or not this material is intended as evidence for my claim. Also, I learned that my essay-map in the introductory paragraph needs to be structured more similarly to the order of points made in the body, and that the map should be more explicitly tied to the language used in the main portion of the text, i.e. using an appropriately-worded topic sentence in each body paragraph in order to relate back to the essay-map.
Upon revisiting my essay in order to shape it into a rough draft, I also noticed something Lisa points out a couple of times: my paragraphs tend to be too long, especially in the body portion of the text. My sentences are also too rambling at times, mostly because this was a zero draft and I was essentially streaming my thoughts onto the keyboard without much concern for readability. This accounts for the initial body paragraph being relatively unconnected to the thesis and its evidence, since I was trying to collect my thoughts and set up the rest of the story.
The most important thing I'll need to change in my essay, after looking at the workshop answers, is definitely the structure as it relates to the coherence and readability of the paper. I will modify my introductory paragraph to include a more strictly defined essay-map, and use phrasing that can be easily recalled in the topic sentence of each body paragraph as appropriate. Also, I will break up the longer paragraphs into sections that are self-contained, each having their own topic sentences, but are still part of the same point of evidence as relates to the essay-map. Similarly, some of the more rambling sentences will have either significant portions cut, or their points reshaped into multiple sentences to improve the flow of the essay, which is quite frankly rather disjointed at the moment in certain places. Finally, I will excise or relocate some of the historical information found in my thesis statement, since it is important to make a single, cleanly coherent point in that sentence so that the reader has an easy touchstone to keep in mind while reading the rest of the text.
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The second example is more than a full response. This is worth more than one point. The first part is not as analytical as the first part in the previous example (note especially the unnecessarily vicious play upon the teacher’s name) as this author did not “read” the audience as specifically as the first author did. On the other hand, the second part is more detailed and gives this author even more to work with then the first author gave herself. The second part is fairly introspective and even contains notes on the author’s general overall style -- notes on voice and so forth. It doesn’t get much better than this (especially considering the time constraints).
A. What did I learn (from reading my partners reaction to my essay)?
I learned that I need to come up with better groupings of reasons why Stephen King is a great role model for writers. I need to make my argument more advanced. Right now my essay reads like a grocery list that just goes on and on and on; there is no introduction, build-up, or climax. I am lacking an “overall” framework to hang my argument on and make it compelling. This left my reader rather bored. She was nice about it of course…
I also learned that I need to be much more explicit in linking my criteria with my evidence. Right now my essay is almost purely evidence and has very little argument backing up why that evidence makes Stephen King such a good role model. This problem leaves the reader dry and uninspired, which is not the point of my essay. The lack of explicit argument also left my reader confused in places and wondering how a particular piece of evidence really made Stephen King such a good role model.
So basically, I have all the evidence, but it is not yet truly an argument. It’s just Grandpa Joe rambling on about whatever while unlucky someone gets caught in the room nodding continuously “uh huh…uh huh…uh huh….ok….yeah….” *snoooooooree*. So I need to fix that. I’m not connecting. I’m boring.
B. What will I change (based on partners advice)?
The first thing I will change is to group my evidence better. Right now all of my evidence stands separately and is on equal footing, which makes my essay long and flat and boring. My reader had no idea which evidence was primary or which was secondary or tertiary, or which evidence was presented as a complementary accent. Some possible groupings I’ve been thinking about are his life, his advice, his habits and his body of work. Or I could break my evidence up into his life as a role model and his advice as a mentor. This would probably require me to tinker with my thesis a little bit. I just know that I need to arrange my evidence into something more dramatic and persuasive.
The next thing I will change is to make explicit connections between my evidence and my criteria. The evidence I presented already had some standing because many people inherently know what makes someone a good role model, but there were also places where my reader was confused. Basically, I’m trying to present a rack of lamb, and instead I’m walking down the street with a dead sheep flung over my shoulder. My essay needs more than tweaking to become persuasive, but it does have the basic elements in place. I need to really focus on why my evidence makes Stephen King a good role model for writers. I think this is the hardest thing for me because I tend to be a “feeler” instead of a “thinker”.
I also need to come up with a proper introduction and conclusion. I tend to leave these until the last because it’s a lot easier to say where you’ve been than it is to say where you’re going. I also tend stall writing until I come up with the “perfect” introduction, so skipping it is easier in the beginning. My reader definitely missed having an introduction and a conclusion though. Without them she had no idea where I was going or where I went or what my greater purpose was for the paper.
I also have way too many pieces of brainstorm shrapnel in my essay. These bits and pieces also contributed to my reader being confused. They’re just little thoughts, expressed as fragments, which were left imbedded in their respective paragraphs. I either need to remove them, or else flesh them out and explain why the heck they’re in there.
I also need to add in all my citations and create my ‘works cited’ list. My partner didn’t point this out, but it’s definitely something I need to include in the next draft.
So I need to: create groupings and an argumentative framework for my evidence, make explicit connections between my evidence and my criteria/thesis, add a proper introduction and conclusion, include citations, and generally clean-up my brainstorming leftovers.
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The first example is a full response. This is worth one point. Notice that the author does more than merely summarize the workshop as given. Instead, the author actually interprets her reader’s reaction to the essay. This is a second order of reading, a paraphrase of sorts, but also an inference of things the workshopper did not explicitly state. In the second part of the response, the author makes explicit plans for her revision of the essay. Notice that it is something like a checklist that the author can use to guide her through the next draft of her project.
1. After reviewing my partner’s workshop answers about the zero draft of my Batman essay, I realized that some of the information I provide (especially about the background of Bruce Wayne and his transformation) is extraneous with respect to my main thesis, and that it can be confusing in its present form as to whether or not this material is intended as evidence for my claim. Also, I learned that my essay-map in the introductory paragraph needs to be structured more similarly to the order of points made in the body, and that the map should be more explicitly tied to the language used in the main portion of the text, i.e. using an appropriately-worded topic sentence in each body paragraph in order to relate back to the essay-map.
Upon revisiting my essay in order to shape it into a rough draft, I also noticed something Lisa points out a couple of times: my paragraphs tend to be too long, especially in the body portion of the text. My sentences are also too rambling at times, mostly because this was a zero draft and I was essentially streaming my thoughts onto the keyboard without much concern for readability. This accounts for the initial body paragraph being relatively unconnected to the thesis and its evidence, since I was trying to collect my thoughts and set up the rest of the story.
The most important thing I'll need to change in my essay, after looking at the workshop answers, is definitely the structure as it relates to the coherence and readability of the paper. I will modify my introductory paragraph to include a more strictly defined essay-map, and use phrasing that can be easily recalled in the topic sentence of each body paragraph as appropriate. Also, I will break up the longer paragraphs into sections that are self-contained, each having their own topic sentences, but are still part of the same point of evidence as relates to the essay-map. Similarly, some of the more rambling sentences will have either significant portions cut, or their points reshaped into multiple sentences to improve the flow of the essay, which is quite frankly rather disjointed at the moment in certain places. Finally, I will excise or relocate some of the historical information found in my thesis statement, since it is important to make a single, cleanly coherent point in that sentence so that the reader has an easy touchstone to keep in mind while reading the rest of the text.
.
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.
The second example is more than a full response. This is worth more than one point. The first part is not as analytical as the first part in the previous example (note especially the unnecessarily vicious play upon the teacher’s name) as this author did not “read” the audience as specifically as the first author did. On the other hand, the second part is more detailed and gives this author even more to work with then the first author gave herself. The second part is fairly introspective and even contains notes on the author’s general overall style -- notes on voice and so forth. It doesn’t get much better than this (especially considering the time constraints).
A. What did I learn (from reading my partners reaction to my essay)?
I learned that I need to come up with better groupings of reasons why Stephen King is a great role model for writers. I need to make my argument more advanced. Right now my essay reads like a grocery list that just goes on and on and on; there is no introduction, build-up, or climax. I am lacking an “overall” framework to hang my argument on and make it compelling. This left my reader rather bored. She was nice about it of course…
I also learned that I need to be much more explicit in linking my criteria with my evidence. Right now my essay is almost purely evidence and has very little argument backing up why that evidence makes Stephen King such a good role model. This problem leaves the reader dry and uninspired, which is not the point of my essay. The lack of explicit argument also left my reader confused in places and wondering how a particular piece of evidence really made Stephen King such a good role model.
So basically, I have all the evidence, but it is not yet truly an argument. It’s just Grandpa Joe rambling on about whatever while unlucky someone gets caught in the room nodding continuously “uh huh…uh huh…uh huh….ok….yeah….” *snoooooooree*. So I need to fix that. I’m not connecting. I’m boring.
B. What will I change (based on partners advice)?
The first thing I will change is to group my evidence better. Right now all of my evidence stands separately and is on equal footing, which makes my essay long and flat and boring. My reader had no idea which evidence was primary or which was secondary or tertiary, or which evidence was presented as a complementary accent. Some possible groupings I’ve been thinking about are his life, his advice, his habits and his body of work. Or I could break my evidence up into his life as a role model and his advice as a mentor. This would probably require me to tinker with my thesis a little bit. I just know that I need to arrange my evidence into something more dramatic and persuasive.
The next thing I will change is to make explicit connections between my evidence and my criteria. The evidence I presented already had some standing because many people inherently know what makes someone a good role model, but there were also places where my reader was confused. Basically, I’m trying to present a rack of lamb, and instead I’m walking down the street with a dead sheep flung over my shoulder. My essay needs more than tweaking to become persuasive, but it does have the basic elements in place. I need to really focus on why my evidence makes Stephen King a good role model for writers. I think this is the hardest thing for me because I tend to be a “feeler” instead of a “thinker”.
I also need to come up with a proper introduction and conclusion. I tend to leave these until the last because it’s a lot easier to say where you’ve been than it is to say where you’re going. I also tend stall writing until I come up with the “perfect” introduction, so skipping it is easier in the beginning. My reader definitely missed having an introduction and a conclusion though. Without them she had no idea where I was going or where I went or what my greater purpose was for the paper.
I also have way too many pieces of brainstorm shrapnel in my essay. These bits and pieces also contributed to my reader being confused. They’re just little thoughts, expressed as fragments, which were left imbedded in their respective paragraphs. I either need to remove them, or else flesh them out and explain why the heck they’re in there.
I also need to add in all my citations and create my ‘works cited’ list. My partner didn’t point this out, but it’s definitely something I need to include in the next draft.
So I need to: create groupings and an argumentative framework for my evidence, make explicit connections between my evidence and my criteria/thesis, add a proper introduction and conclusion, include citations, and generally clean-up my brainstorming leftovers.
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